Contrary to popular use of the word intimacy does not mean sexual contact. In fact, it is very possible to have sex with no real intimacy involved. This is not as easy as it might sound. I believe the ability to experience genuine intimacy greatly enhances our quality of life.
Intimacy means more than the physical.
When the need for intimacy in a relationship is not met, we look for an “instant” solution. It’s the physical. It is easier to be physically intimate with someone, but you soon discover that sex may only be a temporary relief for a superficial desire.
In searching for intimacy, we have a tendency to go from one relationship to another hoping, “This time will be it. This time I am going to find a relationship that will last.”
I believe that what we really want is not sex. What we really want is intimacy. Truth is the only pathway to love and intimacy
What is it about love that scares us?
“We long for moments of expressions of love, closeness and tenderness, but frequently, at the critical point, we often draw back. We are afraid of closeness. We are afraid of love, the closer you come to somebody, and the greater potential there is for pain.” It is the fear of pain that often drives us away from finding true intimacy.
LOVE IS A CHOICE
You can create it. Just focus on the good in another person ( everyone has some). If you can do this easily, you’ll love easily.
Love everyone unconditionally especially yourself. To love from the heart means saying “I love you unconditionally the way you are without your need to change. I accept you with all your imperfections. Nobody is perfect.”
1. Intimacy is achieved by people becoming genuine and real with one another, sharing feelings and desires.
2. It is achieved by becoming honest saying what we really mean instead of what we think the other person wants to hear. Many of us fear that we would be rejected if we let others know who we really are.
Concentrate On the Positive is the message.
The fact is that most of us take a good deal of time to change our beliefs and suppositions but we still feel the resentments, fears and worries we were suppressing. Except that now we have a philosophy that seems to idealize denying these feelings.
The result is that each person becomes an island. They think they are the only ones with those terrible thoughts and feelings. Behind all of ours are differences we are still the same.
In facilitating an open and caring support group it is important for people to accept themselves and each other for what they are. Each person has a time to share his or her own feelings, concerns and problems. Each person is met with support and understanding instead of getting advice like “you shouldn’t feel or think that way.”
At the end of the evening we all feel much closer than we felt at the beginning of the evening. We feel we are not alone. We have experienced to some degree a feeling of genuine intimacy.
The amount of energy used in suppressing our feelings is enormous. We have to take full responsibility for our own feelings; for it is our own programming that creates our actions and also influences the reactions of people around us.
It is much different to say “I am really angry about what you just said or done” than to say, “You stupid jerk, you always say and do stupid things. You hurt me.”
One is an honest expression of feelings, an invitation for the other to respond. It is letting someone know the consequences of their behavior. The other is destructive name-calling and is guaranteed to result in the other person being defensive.
As we learn to be aware of our own feelings and to express them, we become more alive. We discover the joy of sharing ourselves, our thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams and desires.
God describes love in great detail in the Bible, especially in the Book of First Corinthians. So that you catch the full weight of God’s definition of love, let me present verses four through seven (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) to you this way. How much would it meet your needs if a person loved you as God says we should be loved?
- if this person responded to you with patience, kindness, and was not envious of you?
- if this person was not boastful or prideful?
- how about if this person wasn’t rude toward you or self-seeking or easily angered?
- what if this person didn’t keep a record of your wrongs?
- how about if they refused to be deceitful, but always were truthful with you?
- what if this person protected you, trusted you, always hoped for your good, and persevered through conflicts with you?
This is how God defines the love He wants us to experience in relationships. To love this way, we need to feel loved.
Sharing is caring, caring is sharing
We now can have the enjoyment OF GENUINE Intimacy
